History, according to Vonbek the chronically hallucinating, The Illuminati

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    History, according to Vonbek the chronically hallucinating, The Illuminati
    From the Illuminated Manuscript, the book of The Illuminati:

    In the dawn of time, when the world was new, the first people formed a happy and content flock. All living necessities were provided for, all was perfect in the new world. Yet, in this paradise, a wrinkle arose, the parents of the vile Order of the Eastern Star maintained that the orderly world was not good, and too boring. Our Parents were peaceful and content, and did not wish to cause conflict. Our Parents preached calm and peace to the parents of the vile Order of the Eastern Star. One fateful day, a sign was given onto Our Parents. A fruit, fallen from the tree that bore it, was spotted on the otherwise orderly grounds of the first new world. Clearly it was the sign from the Originator. The Originator was want to use the fallen fruit to show how it, an item of chaos, can mar orderly beauty and disturb the orderly world. Understanding perfectly what the Originator has intended, one of Our Parents, Argh Harabashi the First, sat up and begun to proceed to remove this contaminant from the new world. His action was checked by a member of the parents of the vile Order of the Eastern Star, who took up the fruit of entropy and defiled the Originator's intent by flinging it at Argh Harabashi the First. Thus began the first battle between our order and that of the vile Order of the Eastern Star.

    The Illuminati was one of the original two societies to arise from the early beginnings of the world. They firmly believe that the world is based on the laws of law and order. Where all actions of world beings shall be a reflection of pure order, unsullied by any forces of chaos or entropy. Ever since the first split, as retold above in the Illuminated Manuscript, the Illuminati has being in constant conflict against the Order of the Eastern Star, a society that believes through chaos and entropy will come paradise and utopia.

    The Illuminati has participated in the shaping of the universe as we know it since the beginning of time. One of their earliest contributions to the universe was the introduction of writing. This organized the world into orderly letters and allowed for transfer of ideas and thoughts. It was a dark day for the Illuminati when the Order of the Eastern Star invented creative writting and poetry, introducing chaos and entropy into the orderly written language that the Illuminati has given to the world. The Order of the Eastern Star claimed triumph in this medium when they installed such nonsensical word as Doh and hella into the lexicon. The Illuminati can only sigh when the darkness that was the Urban Dictionary was brought to the public consciousness.

    In the year 1812 came truly dark times for the Illuminati. The False Prophet, Leonardo Enrico Xavier, was announced unto the rolls of the Illuminati. The False Prophet was a brilliant young man who excelled at the art of sushi making and dabbled in the hobby of cocktail crafting. Quickly, he rose through the ranks of the society. One can honestly say that there was not one brother or sister who knew not who the False Prophet was. In his meteoric ascend through the ranks of the Illuminati, the False Prophet begun spreading and sowing the seeds of chaos. He espoused an idea that, in a perfectly ordered and law governed world, a little bit of deviousness was forgivable. Because of his charisma and eloquence, a substantial group of youthful Illuminati begun flocking to his side. Because of their love of pranks and causing chaos, they dubbed themselves the Society of the Oddfellows. Their shenanigans finally came to a head in the year 1852, when the False Prophet Leonardo Enrico Xavier declared the Society of the Oddfellows to be independent from the Illuminati, sparking a war between the Illuminati and the Society of the Oddfellows for the next 120 years. It was not until the last days of the conflict, after the death of the Second False Prophet at the hands of the Illuminati Light Brigade during the Battle of Solomons in sector 163, that the true corruption was revealed. Leonardo Enrico Xavier was in fact an agent of the Order of the Eastern Star, code name AgentLex, and the son and heir of their then Grand Poo-bah, Dr. Charles Francis Xavier. The damage, however, was done, many an Illuminati and Society of the Oddfellow members had given their lives to this treachery.

    After that extended conflict between the Illuminati and the Society of the Oddfellows, the Illuminati went into an extended period of rebuilding, unaware of the seeds of Amaranth growing in the womb of the world, nurtured by the chaos of the Order of the Eastern Star.