Imperial Office Reports Detecting Strange Gravitimological Anomalies Imperial Gravtimilologist Snark Gluckytums reports that strong gravitimological anomalies are occurring within the centers of all unplaneted planetary wells inside the galactic maze. "It's as if something large and heavy like a planet was trying to be born in several places at once. We're not exactly sure where it will break through, but it will probably be within the center of one of the large cleared spaces, as these seem to be where the gravitimological anomalies are strongest. Looks like it'll happen within the next few days. Probably gonna spoil someone's Xmas if they own anything valuable in the sector."
I'll lay odds it's that dorty barsteward, Sandy Claws.
'Round 'bouts this time 'a year, he slithers hithery-zithery, looking to empty all your unwatched bottles. If he comes across any home where not so much as a jar of meths or a siphoning hose has been left out, he then furiously explodes with vengeful wrath, wreaking irreparable damage to your sanity as he spreads his Yuletime overindulgence across your four walls in a rhoidal apocalyptic cyclone of blood'n guts and FACTOR X.
FACTOR X? Story goes, it's a liquor-fueled rectal-ridden odour so daemonically foul as to dissolve your eyeballs. And not only that, it's spelled in capitals, so... WATCH OUT!
Imperial Gravtimilologist Snark Gluckytums reports that all unplaneted planetwells are still extremely unstable and anomalous. He advises that the appearance this morning of Planet X in one sector probably hasn't solved the gravitimological anomalies, and that things are really looking very unstable altogether.