This is a pair of ACME brand Laxative Timenesium Pickup Pants. In addition to being stylish and machine-washable, the bizarrely-shaped side pockets contain miniature gravity vacuums which assist you in picking up things that are dropped by others. These pants are made of pure Timenesium, which encases the wearer in a slightly attenuated time-saving field. Wearing them at the top of the hour gives you two extra turns.
A rose by any other name smells nothing like a pair of ACME Laxative Timenesium Pickup Pants! Wearing these will raise the number of times you can use the bathroom by quite a lot more than you normally do, and you'll do it faster too!
This one I'm sure you'll figure out the recipe for too!